So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Randomize
