no, he came in my armpit
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
