Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
