Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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