So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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