I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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