You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
