Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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