is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
