He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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