Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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