Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
