I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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