chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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