Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
