I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
