i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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