And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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