Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
These tits shall not be calmed
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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