No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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