Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
