While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You pole danced in your parka.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
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