your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
