You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
