The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my sisters under your porch take her home
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize