Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Randomize
