My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
