everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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