I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
