i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
