he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
