do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
