Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
