hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
why do cheetos always look like penises
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
