This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
