what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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