did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
