Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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