I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
