I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
