remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
