he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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