One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
