he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
