My hand turned me down
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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