Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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