i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
