You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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