You smell like a Billy Joel song
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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