Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
that may or may not have been my penis.
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